Don't play this video if you like good MUSIC!!!

This shit song has been stuck in my head for a week. Like it is bad but catchy as hell. I actually caught myself singing this like 25 times. "whats all on a nigga's mind, working all time"? I know that I am late as hell but....

TO LA AND BACK

I really like to travel, but I really hate airports. I was literally disrespected six times and by federal law you can’t do shit. I flew southwest and they make you stand in line to check in at a computer. The staff doesn’t even look at you when they take your bags or even say thanks; not even hello! I had a shuttle driver be surly to me at LAX, um asshole if you did not want to talk to people and answer questions maybe you should have stayed home. But anyway I took a trip to LA and these are the highlights. No sense in going on and on about flight delays into SFO, $10 watered down cocktails, and death grip turbulence.
Earlier this year when I went to LA my friend Alex, Lucky, and I went to some restaurant which we knew had the words ‘circus’, ‘carnival’, and ‘BBQ’ in the title. The food was so awful we googled it to see what folks were saying but we could not find one trace of it on the net. Were the stale pretzels and horrible turkey burgers some weird nightmare? Nope! Carnival Café and BBQ does exist, but that shit is out of business though. I mean it was really out of business and boarded up. Alex could not let it go and wondered if maybe they were just closed, but I figure most reputable business don’t completely board up their place during business hours.

I been to LA a bunch of times but usually with some purpose or very little time to recreate. So this time around Alex was kind enough to give me a more thorough overview. We went to Hollywood and they have a lot of costume shops and restaurants. But it’s crazy how many stores are out of business; it’s the same here in San Francisco too.

I also got to ride through hoods and see streets named off in my favorite Ice Cube songs. I have this aversion to the ghetto besides the one I grew up in because it is my feeling that most hoods are the same. I was basically right because it all looks like Oakland to me.
I did not get around to seeing my family because I always feel like they are not that excited to see me and I am so awkward. I did get a chance to meet up with a friend and that was nice. I stayed with my friend Alex the whole time and she was a very good host. I have a lot of anxiety (about everything) staying with people because I have got thrown out of people’s house before and I never recovered from that at all.
I am digressing but the point is that I had a good trip! I am out of work and no money so this possibly the last vacation I am going to have for a while.

Diana Diana Diana

In general I am one of those perpetually dark mooded introspective people. It’s really tiresome and boring at times being me. I am unsatisfied with the status quo but continually drown myself in ghetto Americana. Like, am I unable to get out or is there no way out?

That being said recently I been having some really pure moments. It’s fucking cold outside and I was standing outside my son’s preschool watching some dudes shoot up and some guy pissing on a car. Instead of feeling like I hate San Francisco I was just happy to know I was going to get my boy and that we would go home where it was warm.

I crave love. I don’t mean sex even though I would not be mad at it. But lately I was really thinking about how I love me. If it was just me and Diana forever could I stand it? It would not be so bad I guess. The loneliness that I feel is something that no one could fix because I am not lonely for a person but for myself. I want to feel the way I used to but that Diana is like from 10 years ago.

I guess the point is that I am ok. Dreams don’t come true but life is the journey not the destination I guess.

Battle Studies: John Mayer

I am a John Mayer fan but not rabid, so in my eyes he is fallible; I am always looking for reasons not to like him but I can’t. His music has evolved so much since I first started listening to his music in 2002. It was love at first listen with his song ‘No Such Thing’, it was my theme song to college life and my shitty job in a hotel.

But that guys life has changed since then. I often read about his exploits on the gossip rags and what starlet he is banging. He is such a legendary Lothario they even do skits about him. I figure that he was that nerdy kid spent all his time practicing his craft that never got any pussy till he was famous and that’s probably is why he runs through so many chicks.

Despite all that drama this guy consistently puts out good music. In a sea of Rihannas and Britneys where bending over in short shorts and lip-syncing passes for talent it super exciting to see someone who can play an instrument and write a song.
I was really excited to listen to his new album Battle Studies. I was kind of thrown off by the airbrushed cover art and seeing he had a duet with Taylor Swift. I have never heard any of her music but I know she appeals to teeny boppers and got attention for drama with Mr. West at the MTV music awards.
Battle Studies is an 11 track album that kind of takes you on a musical journey as if John is taking us on a tour of his career thus far. The first track ‘Heartbreak Warfare’ could have been easily on one of his earlier albums technically and sound wise with the chordy poppy sound. Track two ‘All we ever do is say goodbye’, is classic John Mayer and the reason why women and sensitive guys love him. This song has a line that goes “I love you more than songs can say but I can’t keep chasing after yesterday”. My heart threw my panties at the computer and this became my favorite track on the album. On the track ‘Who Says’ he seems to be channeling James Taylor with more modern lyrics. Style wise towards the middle the album turns bluesy kind of like the work he did with The John Mayer Trio. My second favorite track has to be ‘Do you know me’. It’s an adult love song, it appeals to me. He sings “In all out reverie I thought I felt us there…do you know me at all?”

Battle Studies is a good album especially if you are John Mayer fan. He does not disappoint and seems he has put some thought and effort into work. I am proud of him for not playing it safe and trying to step out of his uniform musically. I will still be looking for reasons not to like him but I can overlook his exploits if he continues to put out good music.

*Editor's Note: This is my first music review ever and I enjoyed it.

The Last Word on LOVE

There was a man that I was really into this year, like I thought something might really happen between us. But it fizzled out in the way that I hate; the dude kind of stops calling you gradually and then you have to paint the picture yourself. Since this has happened to me more than once I have to think it’s me or a flaw that a lot of men have. I really don’t know so I have to guess that it’s me. I think that I may seem fragile so the dude does not want to risk me losing it or stalking him. I not fragile though I have never really been dumped by a man directly it has always been that punkish disappearing act.

I am not the only one that has relationship problems a lot of women suffer like me in a variety of ways. But how do we create lasting relationships based on honesty that somehow manage to enrich our lives and work?

So I am talking to a new guy and I fell into this ‘relation’ by accident and was not expecting to make a ‘love connection’ so soon on the hills of my heartache. His situation is complicated too it has the potential to be a lot of drama but I won’t go into it. But as we have been talking these past few weeks one of the most poignant questions I have asked him is “what would you do different in a new relationship; knowing what did not work in your last one”? Basically he told me that he would have to be himself. I think I agree with him you have to find someone who is going to put up with you. Who will love you despite the dumb shit? Someone you can stand once the romance is gone and you don’t want to fuck them everyday; a best friend basically.

Where does that leave me? I can’t say that I have ever been in a good relationship; what will I do differently this time?

I don’t know! I still lead my life with my heart and I am not as analytical as I should be. But I don’t want to be so calculating. If have to trick and play games I don’t want it! I’d rather be alone. The only thing I can do I guess is continue to be myself. Begin to love me and that is so corny but I need to start. Just being myself the way that I am if I can connect with some like soul that would be nice but I have to be ok if it does not happen; that’s where the loving yourself comes in. A mate should be a compliment and not a completion.

Mystery Graffiti: 1ST Edition

Do you know this guy? Is this some type of vanguard art? I see this guy posted all around downtown San Francisco but no explanation. I thought for sure it was an ad or something but it does not seem to be marketing anything. I have seen them high on billboards, the one in the photo was near the place I get my hair done. Interesting.

Random Thoughts

This video always made me want to go to Paris. I did the next best thing and had a baby by a Frenchman Zing!!!



I love the part at the end where she looks up and remembers the times she spent with her ex lover. I am so obsessed with that time parallel. I think about all the places I have been and what I did there. Those places still stand but I am long gone. But I wonder if pieces of me still linger somehow?

I am crazy and fearless. I be taking big risks with my life but I can’t stand to stay still in place where I am not happy. I was not put on this earth to be a doormat; I will not be treated like garbage for compensation.

I am not going to lie. I really want a boyfriend. I got issues though and tend not trust people as far as I can throw them. Getting into a relationship involves some sort of trust; I don’t trust myself.

I am too fat to be skinny and too skinny to get on a weight loss reality show.

I am ending my podcast and youtube in January. It’s been a wild ride but I have to stop exposing myself. I am still fighting with Facebook but I am addicted to those dumb ass farm games.

Who loves me? Who do I love? My capacity to love is great and not so much to hate.